Una semana sin dormir

No sé por que, pero la semana pasada, incluyendo ahora, no he podido dormir. Creo que ansiedad de este verano está plagando mi cuerpo y mente para que no pueda dormir. No puedo creer que vaya a estar separada de mi amor por dos meses. Nosotros nunca hemos estado separados más que seis semanas, pero no estabamos en una relación...y lo echo de menos más que todos. No puedo imaginar un mundo sin mi amor. Con todo, voy a estar separada de  él por un verano enterno. Cada noche, pensamientos de este verano temido está en mi mente. Que voy a hacer? Solamente estoy cansada cuando está conmigo. Es claro que no me relejo cuando  él no está conmigo. No puedo imaginar el dolor que voy a soportar este verano. 

God--Creator of the universe, Master of perfect beauty

So yesterday, I went on a date with Garrett. Knowing my love for the stars and the universe, Garrett thought that it would be a perfectly romantic night if he took me to the planetarium at Chapel Hill for a presentation called "Carolina Skies." We sat down, staring up into the dome-shaped room, excited for the presentation. I absolutely love stars; they are beyond beautiful. As the presentation began, my excitement grew. The presenter showed us how the night sky would look if we did not have so much light pollution. She started pointing out different planets and constillations. All I could think about was how Great my God is. I've always seen God's beauty through the stars...it's some sort of obsession of mine. The majestic beauty of the sky without light pollution was astonishing. How could we be missing so much? Then, she decided to take us on a trip to see outside of our planet. The dome backed up, showing our solar system getting smaller and smaller. We then began to see the milky way, and that too got smaller. The Milkyway--our galaxy, full of tons of other solar systems, planets, and stars--is not the only galaxy out there. Oh, no it is not. There are sooo many other galaxies other than our own. She kept backing up, revealing more and more galaxies...we could not even see our Sun. Our universe is soooo huge. That is an understatement, for I cannot even find a word in the English language to describe the ginormity of the universe that God has created. I began to feel smaller and smaller as the presenter showed how big the universe is. Not only that, but we only could see how much we knew, and I can't even imagine how much bigger and greater it is because of what we don't know.

Ok, so the universe is big...so what? The Creator of the universe, a universe that is THAT big, has to be even bigger, greater, and more beautiful than that. Honestly, I cannot even imagine ANYTHING more beautiful than the night sky (without light pollution). But if God created something that beautiful and majestic, how much more beatiful and majestic is He? My mind exploded as I was sitting in the room with the dome-shaped ceiling. In awe of how amazing God is, I began to cry. He is so big, powerful, beautiful, and yet He loves ME. Somehow, these words seem far too inadequate to fully capture God's glory. With all of that, God not only chooses to have a relationship with me, but he WANTS it. He WANTS me. I was overcome with emotion when God revealed this to me. The date was perfectly romantic, but not romantic because of Garrett. In fact, my heart swelled, but not because of the romance that Garrett was displaying to me; it swelled because of the romance that my Savior was displaying to me. God is a god of perfect beauty, majesty, and power. Who knew that you could go on a date with your boyfriend and end on a perfectly romantic date with God? (Ladies, that is the type of guy you want to be dating--one that takes you on a date and you end up on a date with your Savior, the Creator of the universe) I experienced God's beauty yesterday in a way that I have not in a really long time. When's the last time you experienced God's perfect beauty?

Freshman year reflections

I used to (secretly) think that church was a social event. Honestly, not until my senior year of high school did I really feel in my heart that church was a place to learn about God. Although, my senior year I knew that it was a place to learn about God, I did not desire God the way that I knew that I should.

But this year has been different. I have grown so much this year in my walk with God. Although it has been a difficult year, I have learned so so much. I now desire to learn about God in a way that I never have before. When I go to church, it really has nothing to do with the social aspect. Since most of my friends at my home church go to colleges far away, I do not have many friends in my Sunday School class. Although I did not like it at first, it has turned out to be a blessing. I began to focus on God and not on being social. Now, when I go to church, the goal is to learn about God.

This summer I face a huge challenge. I am going to Michigan, where my family lives, and I'm going to stay there the whole summer. I used to live there, but I no longer identify that place as my home. This summer I have to spend away from my friends and everything that I know. As soon as I get out of school, I go straight to Michigan, and as soon I come back to NC I start school immediately. I am going to really have to learn about how to rely on God this summer. Although I am scared to go, I know that I will be able to have a lot of time to invest in my relationship with God. God has blessed me by giving me a job at a YMCA coaching gymnastics, and I am so grateful for it. I know that I will be able to pour into some of these girls lives and that excites me.  I pray that I will be able to focus on God and not on myself. 

The story of how God changed me

God has changed me. Before, I was a sinner condemned to Hell. By the grace of God, I have been saved. I'm still a sinner and I still struggle, but God holds me up :)

my spiritual gift is service

I am so unaware of my own emotions and feelings that I did not even realize that I was depriving myself of something that gives me true joy in life. My entire life, I have volunteered and served through my church and youth group. I did not even realize how much I really enjoyed serving because I just knew that it was something that I just did to help out. However, since I have been in college I haven't served much at all. In youth group they were constantly asking for people to help out at events and stuff so I never had to look for an opportunity. I did not even notice the lack of serving in my life and how much that affected me until my friend pointed out that maybe, in order to focus less on my problems, I should volunteer to serve people somehow. That's when it all hit me...I need to serve because that is how God made me. He made me to serve Him and His people. He created me with a heart of service so that I can fulfill my part in the body of Christ.
I am saying all this with one thought in mind: I need to serve. I have prayed to God, asking if He might give me the opportunity to serve Him somehow. I mean, that's why He created me, so why would I do anything different?
My spiritual gift is service...what's yours?

If you want to figure out what your spiritual gift is, take this questionnaire to get an idea of what it might be! http://www.kodachrome.org/spiritgift/

What I've learned in college

Ok see...keeping a blog is difficult...but I'm going to try to post more often even though I am positive that absolutely nobody reads this. However, I think it's important for me to get my thoughts out on paper...or on the screen because it is healthy.
So the question is...what do I write about?
Well. What have I learned in college, many might ask me.
I can tell you this. In college, I learned that I am completely and utterly in need of God. I cannot do anything without Him. Seriously...He gives me the breath that I need every time I take a breath. Oh my God. I don't mean that in a way that it is used now as an expression of disbelief for ordinary things; rather, I use it as an expression to say that I am in disbelief for how much I need my God. It's funny how I think that I can make all these decisions and do it all on my own, when in reality, I cannot. God created me to bring Him glory. You know what's scary? God could have created me and not sent His son to die on the cross, and send me to hell, and He would be totally justified to do that. BECAUSE HE'S GOD. He is sovereign, mighty, powerful, just, and the Most High. He is the Creator of the Universe...ok? So who am I to say, "Hey God who created the universe...I don't need you right now." THAT IS RIDICULOUS. I need my God. I need Him for EVERYTHING. In fact, I need God to help me love God. Whoah. I need what? Let me repeat that. I need God to help me love God. I think that will give you an idea of how needy I am. It is not possible for me to love in the capacity that I do without God. If we think about that, this includes loving God. He gives me the ability and teaches me how to love Him. This is how desperately I need God. The same goes for everybody though. We all need God...desperately. He is so good and amazing and merciful and graceful and loving to allow us to live for Him and be used by Him.

What else have I learned in college? I. am. a. sinner. I cannot tell you how often I sin. In fact, when I begin to think about my sin, I am overwhelmed. I feel like I am sitting in a hole, a very deep hole, that is filled half way with dog poo. In the middle of all that disgusting, smelly, mess is me. That dog poo is my sin, and I am engulfed by it. I have absolutely no way out of this mess on my own. But God reassures us that He will forgive us of our sins no matter how bad they are. Romans 5:20 "But where sin increased, grace increased all the more."
I cling on to that verse because Satan tries to lie to me and say, "God can't forgive you of that sin. That sin is too big and God is too great to forgive you of it." Satan uses that to get me to get overwhelmed and give up. But God doesn't want us to give up! He wants us to fight the good fight. Another great verse that I cling on to is this: Romans 8:31 "If God is for us, then who shall ever be against us?"

So let me just break it down. I need God because I am a sinner. He is my Savior. He is so mighty and powerful that He didn't have to save me, but He did anyway out of love. For that, I am eternally grateful. For this reason, I need to give my life to Him.

Recently, these lyrics have pretty much defined what I tell God:

Here I am to worship,

Here I am to bow down,

Here I am to say that You're my God

You're altogether lovely

All together worthy,

All together wonderful to me.

I'll never know how much it cost

To see my sins upon that cross.

These lyrics just remind me that I am here on this earth to do whatever God has told me to do. I'm here to worship Him and bring glory to Him. I'm here to tell the world about His love and grace. I'm here because He has put me here. I am also reminded how good He is to me, and how undeserving I am of His love.
That's really all I have to say today...pretty short and sweet.